Freaking feelings and emotions.. My poetry #2

17:18
          Sometimes I feel like feelings and emotions are everything what we have. They are the reason why we live, but if I think deeply there is also a dark side of such a beautiful lie. Every coin has two sides and so emotions have. How much easier life will be without them? Life without feeling of pain. Everything will be as our childhood wonderland. I know every single one of us is just a small fraction of this uncredibly wide universe. There is a lot of emotions that we feel throughout our whole life and we think that our life depend upon them, but other people don´t give a damn about that. It is just our small galaxy that we are creating. Just a small branch on really big and old tree that has been here for ages.

         Recently I have been thinking a lot about my purpose and my influence in this world, but I did not come with anything. I feel like my existence  and hard work is unnecessary and pointless. I want to heal someone with my words, make their day and make them feel something that I have not for couple months. Aesthema of the maximal delight and acceptance.

        Sometimes I want to live forever and sometimes I just want to end it right now. I do not want to feel anything. I want to scream, but it is immpossible because I am sinking. Just some pieces of me, not my whole soul. There is always a way back. So now turning ripped posters and cigarett smoke into poetry feels like the best thing in the universe. I am obsesed with you, but you do not take me seriouse. Can someone ruin my life more then I did? Poetry is so fucked up baby, but it is the only road to the heaven. Fifty kilometres per hour is enough, my life thinks, but I will rather speed it up a little bit. Now I am going to close my eyes forever and enjoy this pretty fantasy with my Brooklyn baby.

         But at the end of the day I always blame myself. Maybe I wasn´t good enough, maybe I gain the contact just too much, but you know that cuddeling did not mean just touch for me. It was like a symphony of every single color that exists even I am just fullfilled of blue. I fell into that so badly and you made me addicted, cuz you are my MDMA. You have the worst additive action, which makes me feel high in a right way. But it is just in my mind and I can not change your feelings so, let me forget. Bye my darling

      I hate this, but it´s just so authentic and real that I need to post it. Love you so much guys! 



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